Fadeless Beauty
by Lady Gloredhel
Summary: We all have a first love. Arwen thinks about hers. And it isn't Estel.
1. Default Chapter

**Author's Note: **I do not own any of these characters, I only wish I owned the Marchwarden. In reality, their a Tolkein creation, therefore they are not mine.

**Rating:** G

_**Fadeless Beauty**_  
  
I didn't see him fall. Although when I sleep, I dream that he was in my arms before that last moment; before his last breath. I wish he would have been. Maybe then I wouldn't feel as if I were hiding something.  
  
For all my life I've loved him. Since my childhood. It was evident that he felt the same way. For as we grew up, we grew together. We were like the flowers on the Rivendell trellises when they begin to wind around one another and become tangled up together. That was where I found myself with him. I found myself shying away from Imladris as I ran to meet him in the Golden Woods. I would sleep with him under the golden leaves, speaking of the future, and what it held for us.  
  
But everything changed a few hundred years later. He became a Marchwarden. His job became tedious. It was a job he could not run away from—even for a second. I saw him less and less until I was not seeing him at all. My heart wept, for I loved him more than life itself. I saw him every so often, when he was invited to Imladris for balls and gatherings. But he was drastically different from the person he was before.  
  
He was older now and he acted the part. He was noble, full of grace and beauty; and arrogance. I knew how prejudicial he was before this time, but I really began to see it now. It was almost as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes. I saw into the depths of his soul when I spoke to him in the few times that I was able.  
  
My soul cried out for him. For I loved him. And I rarely thought of anyone else. But in front of my eyes, a new love was growing. Estel, the future King of Gondor, was in front of me all this time. But I was blind to him. All the times he tried his hardest to gain my attention, I brushed him away, thinking nothing of him. And I never thought twice of it. I saw Estel shrink when I refused him my time. But I never found anything wrong with it. For I was too wrapped up with my prize waiting for me in Lorien.  
  
Days in Imladris became empty and cold with only Estel for my company. And eventually I befriended Estel. It was temporary relief from my longing of another elf. And to my surprise, I became close to Estel. My life took a turn. Imladris was no longer empty, but full of laughter and happiness. It was no longer cold, but now filled with warmth and a gentle breeze. I no longer felt solitary and alone.  
  
But I returned to Lorien afterwards to see the Lady Galadriel. And there I saw my love once more. He met me in the Woods, for he was guarding the Woods with his brothers at his side. He led me to My Lady. And while we spoke, he never uttered a word, yet I knew he was thinking of me—as I was thinking of him.  
  
During the time I spent in Lorien, thoughts of him never left my mind. I thought of him night and day. I spoke with him in the day and dreamt of him in the night. And though I was with him, I was not happy. I pined for him, the closer I was to him. And it pained to a great deal.  
  
On my last day in fair Lorien, I found him at the Falls of Nimrodel. It was a plague to him that he had never known her. But when he turned his head to look at me, I saw his pain pass away. I saw the cold, hardness of his eyes ebb away. And all I found in the vast blue-gray expanses of his eyes was love. And I am sure that was what he saw in mine. I did not try to hide it.  
  
I spoke to him once again. I told him I loved him. I told him we could never be together, for now I had Estel. And he told me the hardest words I have ever had to hear. He told me that he had always loved me, but we could not have been together regardless of Estel's presence in my heart. He was a marchwarden. He had taken the job on fully. He could not walk away from it for anything.  
  
It was then that I kissed him. And it was the one kiss that meant the most to me. For it was the first and last I should ever share with Haldir of Lorien. And I was lost in him for those moments. But I departed soon after and I returned to Imladris where I stayed until I was called.  
  
I busied myself by aiding the soon formed Fellowship, doomed to take the One Ring to Mordor. I was amazed at their bravery. All nine of them. Estel was one of them. I do not think my father was pleased, but Estel wanted to join them. He became a member of the Fellowship with the name Aragorn. I feared for him. And all the while he was gone I could not help but worry about him. But at the same time, I could not stop thinking about Haldir.  
  
Eventually, all that weighed on my mind was the Fellowship and nothing more. But as the quest continued onwards, my fears were awakened. Aragorn was in imminent danger. Gondor was in shreds under the rule of Denethor. If Aragorn would not live, not only would Gondor lose hope for a civil king, but I would lose hope for true love. I tried to help the Fellowship all I could and it occupied a great deal of my time and concentration. It kept my mind off of things that I had no right thinking about.  
  
Rohan was attacked sooner than I had expected it to be. I thought they would hold out longer. I was wrong. They fled to Helms Deep. The walled fortress would protect them they thought. But I had my personal doubts. I rode to Lothlorien to speak with My Lady who offered me comfort in these times. I knew Aragorn was there and all of me feared for him.  
  
When I arrived at Lorien, I found it maddeningly empty. I was confused. It had never been this empty. In fact, more than half of the elves were absent. Galadriel explained to me that Haldir had requested to take a share of armies to Helms Deep to aid Aragorn to whom he owed a great debt. What debt I cannot imagine. But the Lady told me that she had permitted him to take all of Lorien's armies.  
  
I was in shock. Not only was Aragorn on the wall fighting for his life against 10,000 Orcs and Uruk-Hai, but also so was Haldir. I could not help but feel lose. I grieved for both of them. My Lady did her best to console me. But it was I vain.  
  
I received word days later that Aragorn had lived and was treated for minor abrasions. And I was joyous. I asked them what of Haldir. The Elven messenger took off his helmet and bowed his head respectfully. In my current state of worry, at first I did not understand. But then I saw him.  
  
Eight or nine elves, all combatants in the Army of Lothlorien, held their Marchwarden's body in their hands. He was limp and cold. Upon a stone slab he was placed. And to that slab I found myself running as fast as I possibly could.  
  
As I knelt over him, I could not hear the messenger through my cries. I know he spoke of pulling the Marchwarden out of the wreckage, but that was all I heard. I saw my tears fall from my eyes and land on his Armour which was already stained with blood. With a damp cloth, I tried my best to rub the stains away.  
  
I laid a hand on his gently. And I was greeted by a cold, lifeless wrist. I was not used to this. Elves are the warmest of all creatures. But Haldir was no longer warm. His skin was cold and all of his life was drained away. His body was empty without his soul. I let my head fall onto his chest and I let myself cry until I had no more tears left for anyone.  
  
He stays on that slab now. Glass encases him and he is under a dome, covered in ivy and the white flowers of Lorien that he used to give me when we were young. There is even an engraving in the stone, honoring him.  
  
Meanwhile, while he lays lifeless in Lorien, I stand gradually dying in Gondor. I have chosen the moral path to be with the man I love. Every day I feel my lifetime fade away a bit. I watch my children, especially my son, Eldarion, grow older. I know that someday, Eldarion will take the throne of Gondor.  
  
And although I am happy for them, and I love them all dearly, I can never be truly happy again. At least, not until I find myself resting in the Halls of Mandos. For there I will be reunited with my Marchwarden. But since that is far in the future, I travel to Lorien every month. I visit my Marchwarden every month. And every month, I speak to him and I wish he could speak to me. For you know what they say...  
  
_First love never fades... _


	2. PrologueEpilogue

**Disclaimer **

To all of you that don't like the fact that Haldir died, I really hate it too. I never wanted him to die, especially since he doesn't die in the books. In fact, he has to presence at Helms Deep in the books. So it really pissed me off when Peter improved on that.

But the reason that I wrote this was just that I think the Haldir/Arwen pairings are really sweet. And the fact that Haldir died gave me an opportunity to write Haldir/Arwen without taking Aragorn out of the picture completely. I really didn't want to do that because I really like Aragorn's character, and without the Arwen/Aragorn pairings, Eldarion (Who I'll write abuot in upcoming stories) wouldn't exist.

If I had my choice, Haldir would still be alive, as well as he would have played a part on the Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. After all, he's the god of arrogance and Craig Parker plays that role so well that should have merited long-life for Haldir. Unfortunatly, Peter thought it would be okay to go right ahead and kill him. That upsets me. Unfortunatly again, there's nothing I can do. I guess my real rant about that is the fact that he shouldn't have improved the books. Things that Tolkein didn't write should not have happened. No movie can live up to its standards as a book, but keeping them as alike as possible will at least make the movie a bit better.

So that's it. I guess that was just my explanation of why I wrote this and to make it clear that Peter didn't make me happy at all. I spent weeks ranting and raving about Haldir's death to anyone that would listen. And I still cry when I watch The Two Towers. So I'm done now.

And for all of you Haldir lovers out there (Like moi) I'm going to start writing a nice long story based on the BOOK Lord of the Rings. This one was more movie-verse but they don't have a movie-verse Lord of the Rings on this site. It's all book-verse. But anyway, I'm going to be writing a book-verse Lord of the Rings story about Haldir's lifetime when the first book left off. It'll probably be high-rated for things like suicide, language, implied themes and stuff, but it'll be coming soon enough. Hope you like it!


End file.
